high school football put kerosene on my body issues.
HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL PUT KEROSENE ON MY BODY SHAME BONFIRE
My parents did their best with what they could. While their fat shaming wasn’t malicious, the fat shaming of others absolutely was.
I had to switch school districts going from Middle to High School so I could get away from my many tormentors and start over. But when you’re 13 years old, a freshman, and Fat, you’re immediately noticeable. And an easy target.
I joined the Football team thinking that was a place where I would be accepted for my size, which to a certain extent I was, but me and all the other fat guys on the team. My Sophmore year a new freshman came in and he was that years new fat guy, and by god we were made to hate each other by all the other guys in the program.
Gerry had no business being on the football field. He wasn’t an athletic guy at all, he didn’t even LIKE football, and he didn’t want to be there. He only played because of his size.
His words.
And by god I was a fucking dickhead to him. He was the perfect pin cushion for my insecurities. An easier target than me because he was younger and bad at football. I could disguise my bullying under the guise of “for the team” or “Looking out for you”. But in reality I used Gerry as a deflector shield away from my own torment.
It was like there was a hierarchy of shame and dickheadedness. At the top of the pyramid were all the coaches and the rich good looking overconfident dude bro guys. The skill position guys. Qbs, Wr’s DBs. Next Tier is the simply not fat guys. Then the big guys that are super muscular and strong. Then the fat fat guys on the bottom. Regardless of skill or anything else.
If you’re a football fan you know that the most important players on the field at any given moment are the Offensive and Defensive Lineman. Without them playing at a high level, nothing functions properly. Yet without fail, they are the most highly ridiculed players purely for their appearances, at every level of the game, without fail. Because they’re fat. Even where size is literally an asset, it’s a disadvantage socially. I was still just the butt of the joke.
My coaches and teammates were vicious to me. Until my senior year when I got ripped and mean. But I was so tired of the constant ridicule I would get from coaches and teammates that I would zero in on Gerry to reduce my mental burden. And thus making his worse.
We’ve been lucky that in the years after high school football and all of the quite frankly terrible things I said and did to poor Gerry to have a beautiful reconciliation and relationship. He’s now a brilliant and successful lawyer. I’m glad we can have a friendship and have the really tough conversations about how much of a prick I was, and how we were forced to hate each other by the other guys on the team. Gerry withstood a lot of bullshit. He’s a real Mensch. What’s so funny is we reconnected because his (now ex) wife loves my tiktoks. Really funny how the world works out.
I’m so sorry Gerry. Thanks for forgiving me.
